In the words of Indigo Montoya "Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up."
First of all, I am a woman, so that has it's pros and cons.
So back to the European thing; I grew up in a Polish household. "Eat, eat. You're wasting away!" is often followed up with "You're too fat. You're never going to be loved!" and so on. It's great. And by great, I mean it is overwhelming and I have naturally developed a deeply frustrating and perplexing relationship with food and my body image. I have heard so much about my body's imperfections while being anorexic to being overweight and back again that I have no clue what I look like anymore! No, seriously. No clue. I just know that nothing I am is ever good enough.
So like most people living in the voyeuristic culture we live in, I tie a lot of my self worth and self esteem to my body image.
The media and internet have created a cesspool of shit that your average human has become addicted to (porn) which will always tie back to my feelings of inadequacy and make me feel like life is not worth living. So, in reality, it's not just me that will never be good enough. This world has doomed me and people like me to always feel inadequate and unhappy. Which sucks for the people around us who seem to believe we are awesome and hate to hear us put ourselves down.
Mind you, their arguing is way more civil and it has zero low blows. It even ends quickly and on a relatively civil note. But for some stupid reason, I let it affect me so much that I suddenly think of all the shit my family said to me and loose all ambition for the day.
Sick of feeling like I have to internalize my feelings and continue the negative spiral of "I am a failure at everything!!!" I decided to do something about it. Hence the birth of The Vent Space!
Oh, fuck off. It's better than feeling helpless and crying into a bucket of vodka soaked ice cream.
Side note: That is also a more appropriate use of my energy. Inventing Vodka Soaked Ice Cream!
Lastly, some memes that match my current mood towards life. After all, creating this blog literally wasted my entire day! So long regular workouts and productivity, I'm off to load Steam and play some games.
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First of all, I am a woman, so that has it's pros and cons.
Click here for the quickest way to an "Esplenation"!
Disclaimer: Not to be confused with "Mansplaination"
Add on the fact that I was born into an Ancient-Old School Eastern European family and you can stop reading right here! For those of you who don't know what that means - my parents are dicks and I get shit on for just existing. Don't get me wrong. I genuinely love my parents, but we have an understandably complex relationship.
So back to the European thing; I grew up in a Polish household. "Eat, eat. You're wasting away!" is often followed up with "You're too fat. You're never going to be loved!" and so on. It's great. And by great, I mean it is overwhelming and I have naturally developed a deeply frustrating and perplexing relationship with food and my body image. I have heard so much about my body's imperfections while being anorexic to being overweight and back again that I have no clue what I look like anymore! No, seriously. No clue. I just know that nothing I am is ever good enough.
So like most people living in the voyeuristic culture we live in, I tie a lot of my self worth and self esteem to my body image.
WARNING! WARNING!
Add the existence of sex being flaunted in an unhealthy, super over saturated, unrealistic and unfair light on the internet (and in media, in general) and there you have it. The internet and my parents have ruined me.The media and internet have created a cesspool of shit that your average human has become addicted to (porn) which will always tie back to my feelings of inadequacy and make me feel like life is not worth living. So, in reality, it's not just me that will never be good enough. This world has doomed me and people like me to always feel inadequate and unhappy. Which sucks for the people around us who seem to believe we are awesome and hate to hear us put ourselves down.
So it's days like today, after being kicked out of my parent's place at the ripe old age of NEVER FUCKING ASK A WOMAN HER AGE! for being "too fat" (among other things, like me failing at life in every fucking way imaginable), and I overhear my boyfriend and his mom arguing about us eating too much on our Paleo Diet.
Mind you, their arguing is way more civil and it has zero low blows. It even ends quickly and on a relatively civil note. But for some stupid reason, I let it affect me so much that I suddenly think of all the shit my family said to me and loose all ambition for the day.
Well, that was a nice life. Goodbye.
I am suddenly too fat, not good enough... you know what? Just watch the video link at the top and save yourself the rant. You'll get the idea why I went from "I'm going to crush today" to "Oh look, I gained 0.6 lb according to this scale! I just want to play Civ 5 and drink a bottle of Tequila to my face and call it a day".
Happy Birthday!!! Now go fuck yourself!
Now I don't just have to talk about how I wish Porn and unrealistic portrayals of unattainable body types didn't exist. I can... talk.... about it.
Oh, fuck off. It's better than feeling helpless and crying into a bucket of vodka soaked ice cream.
Side note: That is also a more appropriate use of my energy. Inventing Vodka Soaked Ice Cream!
Mmmmm. Feelings.
Lastly, some memes that match my current mood towards life. After all, creating this blog literally wasted my entire day! So long regular workouts and productivity, I'm off to load Steam and play some games.
Buh Bye Now!
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